Current:Home > reviewsWhen you 'stop running from it' and know you’ve outgrown your friend group -WealthX
When you 'stop running from it' and know you’ve outgrown your friend group
View
Date:2025-04-12 19:53:15
Yes, romantic relationships are great. But there's something special about long-term friendships – the giggle-worthy gossip, the inside jokes, the unmatched comfort level built on years of trust. But what happens when your friendship changes, and what once came so easy shifts into unanswered texts, missed phone calls and nary a like on social media?
The TikTok trend where people have decided to "stop running from it" refers to those who return from a social setting with friends, only to realize that they've outgrown their relationships – and perhaps avoided their own emotions along the way.
If this sounds like you, friendship experts don't want you to worry. It's normal for friendships to evolve over time. Just keep an eye out for some warning signs it might be time to hit pause on a friendship (or in some cases, say goodbye for good).
"Like any relationship, friendships are a two-way street," says Carla Marie Manly, host of podcast "Imperfect Love" and author of "The Joy of Imperfect Love." "If both people aren’t invested in making the relationship viable in the long run, the friendship will falter over time."
How to tell if your friendship is on the rocks
Sometimes outgrowing a friendship is simple: You just don't want to see them. "A major sign of outgrowing a friendship is a lack of interest in meeting up with a friend," Manly says. "This apathy can even shift over time into overt avoidance." Maybe this friend drains your energy if you're doing all the outreach, or maybe they just aren't as fun to be around anymore. Or you've discovered you have very little in common anymore.
Expect this to happen with people you've known a long time. Some people will stagnate in their lives and expect the same of their friendships. Others will grow and likely want something more.
You might even harbor a lot of feelings for someone but still not want to devote that much time to them, or you just don't have any to give. That's OK. "If you find yourself losing interest, you still care for this person, but aren't as interested in those updates, because it doesn't feel relevant to where you are, and you feel the engagement drop in that way, that could be a sign as well," says Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship educator and author of "Fighting for our Friendships."
It could also be simple on the other end of the spectrum, where you're butting heads with your friend or sitting with that walking-on-eggshells feeling. Spoiler alert: The shells will crack.
"This is an indicator that the friendship is misaligned and you may have outgrown it," says T.M. Robinson-Mosley, counseling psychologist, "especially if you look at disagreements that devolve into personal attacks."
Girl, it's so confusing sometimes:Lorde, Charli XCX’s viral moment and the truth about friendship breakups
Just because it's over doesn't mean you failed
Judging a friendship by how long it lasted, or the fact it didn't last forever, is not necessarily the best metric to use when thinking about your friends. Is a successful friendship one that never ends? Or one where you two really loved each other during the time you were together?
Experts say friendship circles twist and turn over time, too. One study even found that we tend to replace half our friends every seven years.
"Our availability changes, the things that brought us together change. So you almost have to anticipate that happening," Jackson says.
Why might this occur? Think of it in terms of life stages. Did you meet friends in college? At work? A parenting class? Friendship changes happen frequently when people reach their mid-20s and their priorities take them in all kinds of directions – especially if and when the alcohol fog of your early 20s wears off.
In case you missed:Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and the power of (and need for) male friendship
Is your friendship worth saving?
Generally, as long as there hasn't been some kind of toxic behavior or abuse, it's not a bad idea to leave that friendship door ajar.
You may be tempted to only see a black-and-white approach to friendship via your TikTok algorithm: Someone "wronged" you and therefore you need to set a "boundary." Don't let it deter you from friendship altogether.
Why might some reach that conclusion, though? "I wonder if sometimes we want to put such a finality to it, because it gives us a sense of control," Jackson says.
But if leaving a friendship means being more yourself, it's likely worth the breakup.
veryGood! (9)
Related
- Elon Musk's skyrocketing net worth: He's the first person with over $400 billion
- Q&A: Kate Beaton Describes the Toll Taken by Alberta’s Oil Sands on Wildlife and the Workers Who Mine the Viscous Crude
- An Agricultural Drought In East Africa Was Caused by Climate Change, Scientists Find
- Are Legally Acceptable Levels of Pollution Harming Children’s Brain Development?
- Friday the 13th luck? 13 past Mega Millions jackpot wins in December. See top 10 lottery prizes
- Revisit Sofía Vergara and Joe Manganiello's Steamy Romance Before Their Break Up
- It’s the Features, Stupid: EV Market Share Is Growing Because the Vehicles Keep Getting Better
- As the Harms of Hydropower Dams Become Clearer, Some Activists Ask, ‘Is It Time to Remove Them?’
- House passes bill to add 66 new federal judgeships, but prospects murky after Biden veto threat
- Chicago’s Little Village Residents Fight for Better City Oversight of Industrial Corridors
Ranking
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
- Save 70% On Coach Backpacks for School, Travel, Commuting, and More
- Shell Agrees to Pay $10 Million After Permit Violations at its Giant New Plastics Plant in Pennsylvania
- Who Said Recycling Was Green? It Makes Microplastics By the Ton
- Selena Gomez engaged to Benny Blanco after 1 year together: 'Forever begins now'
- How Wildfire Smoke from Australia Affected Climate Events Around the World
- The Financial Sector Is Failing to Estimate Climate Risk, Say Two Groups in the UK
- How Dueling PDFs Explain a Fight Over the Future of the Grid
Recommendation
Behind on your annual reading goal? Books under 200 pages to read before 2024 ends
Ariana Grande Joined by Wicked Costar Jonathan Bailey and Andrew Garfield at Wimbledon
As the Colorado River Declines, Water Scarcity and the Hunt for New Sources Drive up Rates
Developer Confirms Funding For Massive Rio Grande Gas Terminal
Have Dry, Sensitive Skin? You Need To Add These Gentle Skincare Products to Your Routine
As New York’s Gas Infrastructure Ages, Some Residents Are Left With Leaking Pipes or No Gas at All
Khloe Kardashian Films Baby Boy Tatum’s Milestone Ahead of First Birthday
Carbon Capture Faces a Major Test in North Dakota