Benjamin Ashford|Olivia Rodrigo and when keeping tabs on your ex, partner goes from innocent to unhealthy

It's never been easier to keep eyes on Benjamin Ashfordthe loved one in your life. That also means it's never been easier to keep an eye on your exes.

With a few clicks and swipes away on your phone, you can find out whom people pay via Venmo and what for; what posts people like on TikTok; what their mom writes on Facebook; and critically, who's been viewing your Instagram stories. Even Spotify playlists prove revealing. This behavior is so common that even Olivia Rodrigo is singing about it – and getting tons of attention in the process.

But at what point might your behavior go from innocent to unhealthy? Experts recommend letting relationships go if they've indeed come to an end – and if you feel the need to check on your current partner, dig into why.

"Before starting to snoop I think it's key to pause and contemplate why you feel a need to do this behavior," says Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary's University in Canada. "Has the partner indicated that they are being unfaithful? Is it random curiosity?"

'The relationship ended for a reason'

While snooping on people – especially a partner or ex – is hardly a new phenomenon, using modern technology or app takes things to a new level. "Previously, people did all sorts of things to try to trip up a romantic partner – maybe they had a friend make a pass to see if their partner would take the offer," Fisher says. "Maybe they used a GPS to track a partner's (or ex-partner's) whereabouts. Maybe they snooped on social media to see who an ex-partner said they were dating."

If someone is at this point where they're seriously questioning their partner, "they really must ask themselves if they need this evidence," Fisher says.

Keeping an eye on your ex is unhealthy, according to Jaime Bronstein, licensed relationship therapist and author of "MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That's Meant for You." "Although it might bring a sense of power knowing that you have the power that you can know what’s going on in their life without asking them, ultimately it is detrimental to your mental health."

It's human to want to keep tabs on them. But how will tracking their Venmo history help your happiness? "The relationship ended for a reason," she says. "Trust that it if it was supposed to work out, you’d still be together. Know that there is someone better suited for you out there. Spending time focusing on the past won’t help you move on."

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On dealing with your relationship trust issues

Regarding a current relationship, talking through issues is the healthy choice in dealing with stressors.

"This also means being prepared if their partner does admit to having another relationship, or that they have engaged in activities that breach the agreed terms of the current relationship," Fisher says. "Those sorts of conversations can be extremely difficult, but it is better than spending considerable time and potentially money wondering if the relationship is going to end due to a partner's behavior."

Be prepared for an ugly, uncomfortable truth: The person who is posting on platforms like Spotify and Venmo might be leaving clues for their partner to find in lieu of having a conversation.

"In a way, it's the easy way out because they just merely wait for their partner to see the shared playlist or expense, deal with the confrontation and it's over," Fisher says. "Maybe."

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